Paranoia. That one particular word expresses a lot about me. People say i think too much about things. That i have severe anxiety; be it in my studies, my relationships with people around me, safety, health, everything. & yeah, i admit, i am paranoid. & some would respond with "Chill." "Relax." "It's fine." "Don't worry too much." All those line to calm me down. But i don't buy them, most of the time... Yeah, i'm as a stubborn as a... um... what is the thing we use to compare stubbornness to (if there is the word "stubbornness"...)? Oh yeah, as stubborn as a mule. Whatever. My stubbornness that refuse to lessen my paranoia stems from my past & where i come from. Especially when it comes to safety & security. Fuck it. No one is safe in this world. That phrase is kinda like from the Terminator movies, except instead of artificial -intelligent robots, the world is crawling with assholes every nook & cranny. You can't even go out of your houses freely anymore.
Fuck. Our homes ain't that safe anymore either. Sure, home is the place when it provides shelter & a sense of security from external threats. But you know the assholes these days. They'll get all crazy shit for no reason, & do all kinds of fucked-up shits both imaginable & unimaginable, just to fulfill their fucked-up desires. Especially perverted ones. They are the sickest fucking gits that ever lived on the surface of the planet.
Seriously. Sometimes, you can't help but feel that you're trapped in in a maze, vulnerable to these fucked-up threats that are coming from every corner, no matter where you are. & that you're more alone that ever, with no one there to help you. What more with the mentality nowadays of "everyman for himself". Ever felt like Kerrigan (from Blizzard's real-time strrategy videogame Starcraft)? When she was left abandoned in New Gettysburg by Actural Mengsk, to be surrounded by millions of Zergs (to watch the scene, click here)? If it's a yes, welcome to the club... Seriously, fuck it.
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