Envy

Envy. I've been feeling envy towards people around me throughout my whole life. But i think the strongest envy i've felt recently is regarding love. Liebe. 愛 (ai). Amour. I know. I sound lame, right? But i just can't help being envious of others who are in relationships, being lovey-dovey around. Going on dates. Holding hands. Cuddling in one another's warm arms. Feel the love as they plant a kiss on each other's lips. ...... Over-emotional. I know. I've in fact been labelled as a goth by my peers (minus the black nail polish, black eye-liner, multiple piercings, & clothes of only black & white shade). I just can't help it... I even get emotional with songs related to romance. Like the other day when my friend opened a fanmade video on Youtube with the song "Teardrops on My Guitar" by Taylor Swift. I have no romantic feelings for anyone as of today, but i still feel the pain of unrequited love from the song. & NO. I wasn't reminiscing my ancient infatuation for him. The song just reminded me of my single status, which has never changed. & that reminded me of my envy. Well, i have yet to meet a guy i'm romantically interested in. I'm not being desperate. When the time comes, i'll know. I'm actually kinda happy with my life right now; better than before this. But it wouldn't hurt to experience some romance in my teenage years. But i guess it's gonna take a while. Since guys don't really go for girls like me. I'm NOT one of the girly girls. They know how to dress up in skirts, fabulous tops, high heels, make-up & have as-fair-as-Snow-White-complexion & "Bong! Kew! Bong!" bodies. & i'm the total opposite in all aspects of that beauty queen category. & NO. When guys treat you like they don't give a shit, it's NOT because they LIKE you. They treat you like they don't give a shit, because they REALLY DON'T give a SHIT.

Random

Finally, i've managed to pay my FUBAR student bills with my mom's help yesterday evening after emailing the bill to her, immediately after checking the FUCKED-UP thing after 10.30am or so... How shitty is that? Posting the bill so late after the supposed date. I don't give a FUCK about them extending the due date to a week later, 'cause if we are to pay after Nov 6 (today), we can only do so at the Finance Department, which has been packed since the day before yesterday, i presume, with students crowding to pay the goddamn bill. Now that's done, i'm kinda relieved. All that's left now are my assignments & tests... Hopefully i'll finish them perfectly in time... Oh ya. I also need to make that phone call to my ex-BM tuition teacher on my sis' behalf... Haiz.. Feel kinda paiseh wanna make that call... =_=

Yesterday's internet connection was totally FUBAR. Sure, the status indicated "Connected" with "2/3 bars" but it was like there wasn't a li'l bit connection at all..! GEEZ!!! Useless streamyx line!!! The connection only got better around 12.30am... Sheesh...

Had an OHR tutorial that ended just a while ago. Obviously, i was pretty much day-dreaming during like, 70% of the class period, plus the fact that i'm not a morning robin made me drowsy... Gonna have another class later at noon; Sociology. Hopefully, it'll be a fun one. Well, since it's Mr. L, i guess it'll be better than OHR tutorials =)

**Tokio Hotel won another award at the MTV European Music Awards, this year (just some hours ago) for the category "Best Group", beating the likes of Greenday, Black Eyed Peas, Jonas Brothers & Kings of Leon ^^ Their new single is gonna be "The World Behind My Wall" which they also performed that night (Tom rocked out with his guitar, hell yeah XOXO & i didn't Georg could play the piano too hehe). Tokio Hotel~~~!!! LOLZ Tom, ich liebe dich <3<3<3

Breakdown

Rette mich (Rescue me)... Komm und rette mich (Come & rescue me)... Ich verbrenne innerlich (I'm burning inside) I'm having a breakdown... That's how i've been feeling this whole week. I just can't control myself... The more i wait, the more frustrated i become... Everything's just gone wrong... From the most frustrating FUCKING UTAR management & asshole bastards + bitches that happen to be in the staffs for the campus departments (especially those in the FUCKING FSET FGO & ICTC) to the FUCKING drunk internet connection & literal raining on my parade the same time again this week (Wednesday evening), & which happen to be the day my friends & i planned to go to the night market... Now i can't pay my student bills the way i planned, in time, not to mention i have to walk to campus again tomorrow under the blazing sun & i can't do further research on my assignments efficiently nor effectively... Seriously, this week is really FUBAR that i keep choking on my frustration & i actually almost gone hysterical & screamed out loud in the night!!! Schrei so laut du kannst (Scream as loud as i can)!!! I actually feel like going up to those FUCKED-UP bastards & bitches who obviously don't do shit in their jobs & left us BT students frustrated for not getting our student bills, & then massacre them there & there like in GTA San Andreas!!! I don't care; poke their eyes out, decapitate them with a chainsaw, crush them with a mace, slice them with a katana or a marchete, blow them up to bits with C-4...anything just to let them know how frustrated i am!!! Korosu (Kill)... korosu (Kill)... Zettai korosu (Kill no matter what)!!! ARGHH!!! *huff...huff...huff...

**I'm having a really FUCKED-UP week, so don't take my harsh words to heart. I'm just letting off some steam. Forgive me if i happened to offend any of you. Warui katta na (sorry about that).

Responsibilities

Everyone has their respective responsibilities; to their ownselves, to others, to the public etc. etc. Yet, most seem to neglect them. Well, right now i'm FUCKING pissed off at those who neglect their responsibilities to others. & who is it this time to get on my nerves?!! Who else if not the staffs of the FUBAR Kampar UTAR!!! Seriously!!! 1st they took quite long to update the campus website (till now still haven't fully functioning yet!!) for notes & news, now they're FUCKINGLY slower than a snail in uploading our student bills in the campus portal website!!! Went to the FGO twice in a row, in 2 days, & what did they do?? NOTHING!!! NADA!!! ZILCH!!! "Technical problem, check again tonight. If still cannot, check again tomorrow" BULLSHIT!!! FUCKING BULLSHIT!!! & they expect us to pay the bill by THIS FRIDAY!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! Think we carry around thousands of ringgit in our pockets everyday, is it?!! That we can simply pay the bill on the spot?!! FUCK!!! I cooled down for a while this evening, thanks to a chocolate ice-cream & a cooling bike ride in the drizzle, but i'm still pissed, boiling with anger & frustration!!! I have to let off some steam, otherwise i'll explode from the negative emotions being bottled up in me!!! ARGHH!!! I feel like screaming!!! Thanks for nothing, UTAR!!! FUCK!!!

Unpredictable

Things in this world... Unpredictable... It's hard to expect what might happen exactly... These 'things' ranges from feelings & moods, to events & occurences... They could be triggered by a small thing/factor, & the effects are usually huge impacts (there are some that have small impacts too, though). Like the most recent news which i think have reached the knowledge of most UTAR students: the drowning of 3 UTAR students at the local waterfalls (click here for the article). & i just read a recent blog post of one of the deceased victims. & seems like he just posted it about 15 hours before the event that had cost him his life... He sounded just like a normal, happy teenager, posting about the recent Mooncake/Lantern Festival held at campus last Friday (Oct 30) & his trip to Gua Tempurung. Who knew then..? That that would be his very last post..? Of course, nobody expected what would happen... Unpredictable... That's just how life is... You never know what's gonna hit you. May God bless the souls of those 3 victims. Rest in peace.

Sleepover in PJ

I was surprised, exactly a week before today, when Hiu Yun asked me if i wanted to stay over at her house in PJ for the weekend (including a trip to Sunway Lagoon). What the hey? I said yes. & last weekend was the 1st time i ever sleptover at someone else's house (not including Pei Vern's rented house in West Lake sometime in Sem 1). Frankly, i was kinda shy, or should i say: paiseh... But i eventually lighten up & relaxed, & her family actually noticed my not-so-shy attitude around them as time goes by (especially during Saturday's steamboat dinner; the dishes were delicious, but the soup was a bit too spicy that it gave me a sore throat for that night >.<). Her whole family is friendly & they're all good folks. Her mom's really concerned regarding meals & stuffs of the sort (she even prepared some fried noodles for my dinner tonight which i ate on the train just a while ago; thank you Aunty =D ) while her dad's always with jokes that would put a smile on my face XD Her sister's nice & friendly too =) & somehow seeing Hiu Yun's relationship with her elder sis actually reminds me of my own relationship with my li'l sis (giggle). Anyway, Hiu Yun & I have been tagging along with her sis & BF of her sis for Saturday night's rides downtown (like Chow Kit -just for fun; we didn't get out of the car at that freakish side of the city anyway, FYI- & KLCC) & today's Sunway Lagoon trip. I didn't expect much from the trip today, since it's Family Day for the Sunway Group (or something like that, i'm not so sure...) i.e. the place was totally crowded. Every place we went we had to line up. The only places we didn't have to make anaconda lines were at the pools, surf beach & mini-river (i'm not sure what's the actually name, so let's settle with "mini-river"), & they were also super crowded with strangers, that those with the tube-floats were mostly conjested along the mini-river. The rides on water slides were fun, minus the fact that my butt hurts as we came down the long, straight one... Ittai yo (it hurts)~! >.< Basically, most of the rides actually inflicted some light muscle aches; the roller-coaster gave me backache as we go up-and-down, with my back suddenly banging onto the uncomfortable seats a few times, while the swinging pirate-ship thingy gave me chest pain with the safety belt contraption (the one over your shoulder, like the ones we usually see on roller-coasters with loop-de-loops) tightly clamping my body to the seat (plus the fact that the girl riding next to me on the pirate-ship was shrieking at the top of her lungs for most of the ride, i thought i was getting a permanent ear-damage..! i mean, seriously~!! Come on~!!! Sheesh!!) x_x The lunch given sucks. I only ate the KFC original-recipe chickens & some hot-dog... Seriously, the rice was like, cold & tasteless, & with oily, gooey ayam masak merah..? Ugh~!!! Blarg~!!! Nevertheless, the Sunway Lagoon trip was kinda fun, but still not as fun as my sem break's trip to Genting ^^ & i enjoyed spending the weekend with one of my BFFs & her family =)
Now, i'm back to this sleepy town again... Haiz... Tomorrow's class starts at 8am..! ARGH!!! I so~~~ hate early-morning classes!!! DX

*for some reasons, these past few days, i've been eating quite a lot. I need snacks after my meals more often than usual (not including when staying home in KT) xp

A Beautiful Mind

Another random post. The blog's title is just for fun. I actually took it from the Oscar-winning 2001 movie entitled "A Beautiful Mind" starring Russell Crowe as John Forbes Nash, a Nobel Laureate in Economics, for his revolutionary work in the game theory. The thing is, the human mind is the key to most of one's actions & behaviour. Take the movie for an example. John suffered from paranoid schizophrenia, causing him to undergo delusional episodes & lead him to behave erratically, because he believed in what his mind showed him i.e. the human mind is technically a powerful 'force' that controls an individual.

John seeking an original idea on math to finish his thesis paper


John getting more & more paranoid due to his hallucinations

Movie rating: 4/5


Anyway, let's just say that despite being sleepy in my classes today, i managed to lead my mind to be more alert & well, focused in class. Instead of just hearing the lessons & being jellyfish-heads, i actually listened & understood them. & even now when i'm feeling a li'l bit woozy & feverish with a slight headache (thanks to walking in the drizzle & taking a cold shower; the water heater isn't working again...), i'm putting them aside & out of my mind. At least, i don't feel so sickly as i used to always feel. The human mind is indeed more powerful than any other parts of our body. *My dad & bro keep telling me this so that i'll get better quicker whenever i fall sick, especially that one time when i had that gut infection (i think it's courtesy of eating some blue-cheese that morning as breakfast) & kept vomitting whatever food i consumed...

**I've been told a few times that how my mind works doesn't really correlate with my age (the most recent when watching "The House Bunny" with my friends this afternoon). Well, duh~ I'm not as naive as you think i am. I'm not a li'l kid anymore. & why the fuck would anyone wanna stay all naive & innocent to what's really going on around us? Both these traits can eat you alive in a rotten world like the one we're living in today. I'm just saying~~